This American system of ours. Call it Americanism, call it capitalism, call it what you like, gives to each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.

I am like any other man. All I do is supply a demand.

This American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it capitalism, call it what you will, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.

I don’t even know what street Canada is on.

I have built my organization upon fear.

Capitalism is the legitimate racket of the ruling class.

My rackets are run on strictly American lines and they’re going to stay that way.

Now I know why tigers eat their young.

Prohibition has made nothing but trouble.

Vote early and vote often.

When I sell liquor, it’s called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on Lake Shore Drive, it’s called hospitality.

You can get more with a nice word and a gun than you can with a nice word.

You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

(c) Al Capone

A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
– Demetri Martin

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
– Demetri Martin

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades…or a game of fake heart attack.
– Demetri Martin

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
– Bill Cosby

If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.
– Dave Allen