Lloyd: Got room for one more, if you wanna go to Aspen.
Harry: Where did you find that?
Lloyd: Some kid back in town. Traded the van for it straight up. I can get 70 mpg on this hog.
Harry: Lloyd, when I think you couldn’t be any dumber you go and do something like this and totally redeem yourself!

The Warlock: Why did you bring a cop to my command center?
John McClane: (laughs) It’s a basement!

President Thomas Whitmore: I don’t understand, where does all this come from? How do you get funding for something like this?
Julius Levinson: You don’t actually think they spend $20,000.00 on a hammer, $30,000.00 on a toilet seat do you?

David Levinson: We’re hit! We took a hit!
Captain Steven Hiller: We’re not hit! We’re not hit! Stop side-seat driving!
David Levinson: Left! Left! Tunnel! Tunnel! Exit! Exit! Left!
Captain Steven Hiller: Where the hell do you think I’m going?
David Levinson: Ok, ok We’re we’re we’re uh…
David Levinson: Uh oh they’re closing up on us… they’re closing…
Captain Steven Hiller: Shut up, shut up, shut up!
David Levinson: Must go faster. Must go faster! Must go faster! Go, go, go, go!
Captain Steven Hiller: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Captain Steven Hiller: Oh! Elvis has left the building!
David Levinson: Oh, thank you very much. Oh, I love you man!

Captain Steven Hiller: That’s what you get! Ha Ha! Look at you! Ya ship’s all banged up!
Captain Steven Hiller: Who’s the man? Huh? Who’s the man? Wait till I get another plane! I’m a line ya friends up right beside you! Where ya at, huh? Where ya at?
Captain Steven Hiller: Welcome to earth.

Julius Levinson: If I had known I was gonna meet the president I would’ve worn a tie. Look at me, I look like a schliemiel.

Gen. Gray: Are you all right?
President Thomas Whitmore: I saw… its thoughts. I saw what they’re planning to do. They’re like locusts. They’re moving from planet to planet… their whole civilization. After they’ve consumed every natural resource they move on… and we’re next. Nuke ‘em. Let’s nuke the bastards.

Jules: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Mr. Brown: Let me tell you what ‘Like a Virgin’ is about. It’s all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It’s a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr. Blonde: No, no. It’s about a girl who is very vulnerable. She’s been fucked over a few times. Then she meets some guy who’s really sensitive…
Mr. Brown: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa… Time out Greenbay. Tell that fucking bullshit to the tourists.
Joe: Toby… Who the fuck is Toby? Toby…
Mr. Brown: ‘Like a Virgin’ is not about this nice girl who meets a nice fella. That’s what “True Blue” is about, now, granted, no argument about that.
Mr. Orange: Which one is ‘True Blue’?
Nice Guy Eddie: ‘True Blue’ was a