Howard Payne: Jack, nothing tricky now. You know I’m on top of you! DO NOT attempt to grow a brain!

Jack: Harry, there’s enough C-4 on this thing to put a hole in the world!

Jack: It’s a game. If he gets the money he wins, if the bus blows up he wins.
Annie: What if you win?
Jack: Then tomorrow we’ll play another one.
Annie: But I’m not available to drive tomorrow. Busy.

Ortiz: Just keep it steady.
Annie: Oh, thanks for the tip, Ortiz.

Young Executive: Jesus. Bob, what button did you push?

Howard Payne: See, I’m in charge here! I drop this stick, and they pick your friend here up with a sponge! Are you ready to die, friend?
Harry: Fuck you!
Howard Payne: Oh! In two hundred years we’ve gone from “I regret but I have one life to give for my country” to “Fuck you!”?

Jack: You’re crazy! You’re fuckin’ crazy!
Howard Payne: NO! Poor people are crazy, Jack. I’m eccentric.

Swat Cop: Anything else that’ll keep this elevator from falling?
Jack: Yeah. The basement.

Jack: Tell me again Harry, why did I take this job?
Harry Temple: Oh come on, thirty more years of this, you get a tiny pension and a cheap gold watch.
Jack: Cool.

Harry Temple: All right, pop quiz. Airport, gunman with one hostage. He’s using her for cover; he’s almost to a plane. You’re a hundred feet away… Jack?
Jack: Shoot the hostage.

Howard Payne: Pop quiz, hotshot. There’s a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do?

Howard Payne: You think I wouldn’t have been prepared? Two years I spent setting up that elevator job, two years I invested in it. You couldn’t understand the kind of commitment that I have. You ruined a man’s life’s work and you think you can walk away? You got blinders on to the world! But I got your attention now, didn’t I Jack?
Jack: Why didn’t you just come after me?
Howard Payne: No this is about ME! This is about my money, this is about money DUE ME! Which I WILL collect! 3.7 Million dollars! It’s my nest egg, Jack, at my age you have to think ahead.
Jack: When I find you…
Howard Payne: Pop quiz, hotshot. There’s a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do?
Jack: I’d want to know what bus it was…
Howard Payne: You think I’m going to tell you that?
Jack: Yes.
Howard Payne: Aha, very good. There are rules, Jack, and I want you to get this right. NO ONE goes off the bus. If you try to take any passengers off the bus, I will detonate it. I want my money by 11AM.
Jack: We can’t pull that kind of money in time!
Howard Payne: FOCUS, JACK! Your concern is the bus. And don’t try to call. The radio’s down. Now, the number of the bus is 2525, it’s running downtown from Venice. It’s at the corner of Ocean Park & Main.

Howard Payne: This day has been rather disappointing, I don’t mind saying.
Jack: Why, because you didn’t get to kill everyone?
Howard Payne: There’s gonna come a time, boy, when you will wish you never met me.
Jack: Mister, I’m already there!

Harry: Well, I’m gonna go home, have some sex.
Jack: Harry, you’re gonna go home and puke.
Harry: Well that’ll be fun too.

Stephens: First time in LA.
Annie: Oh no, I live here.
Stephens: No, mine. Oh thats just funny, you heard me wrong. Nah, im sightseeing.
Annie: Oh, really?
Stephens: Yeah. I hate to use the word ‘tourist’ but it’s not like I can hide it…
Annie: Not really.
Stephens: [sigh] Did you know it took me three hours to get here from the airport? I got so lost. LA’s one big place, but I guess you don’t notice, seeing as you live here. Im such a yokel, there I said it!
Annie: Oh jeez. You know what? I got gum on my seat, GUM!

Jack: Fuck me!
Stephens: “Oh, darn.”

Jack: Harry! Tell me good news, man.
Howard Payne: Oh, I’m sorry, Jack. He didn’t make it.
Jack: You, FUCK!
Howard Payne: It was the watch that lead him to me, wasn’t it? Huh? It seemed a little hammy to me to build a bomb out of my precious retirement gift, but, you know, I figured a sign that said “Howard Payne” would be pushing it.
Jack: I’m gonna rip your fucking spine out, I swear to God.

Jack: He’s the asshole, Annie, the guy who puts us here. Remember that, ok?
Annie: Big asshole.

Ortiz: I’m telling ya, honey, he’s somewhere jerking off.
Annie: He didn’t have to get ON the bus in the first place, Ortiz. Hey, get your ass behind the yellow line!

Lt. Herb “Mac” McMahon: Ok, Jack, this is it. Don’t get dead.

Helen: Are they going to help us?
Stephens: Sure they are, they’re the police. Hey, your taxes are paying their salaries. We die, they gotta take a pay cut.

Stephens: Did you have any luck with the bomb?
Jack: Yeah, it didn’t go off.

Jack: STOP! L.A.P.D! Get out of the car!
Maurice the Tune Man: Hey man, this is MY car, I OWN this car, it’s NOT stolen.
Jack: It is now. Move over.

Jack: Miss, can you handle this bus?
Annie: Oh sure. It’s just like driving a really big Pinto.

Stephens: We’re at the airport.
Ortiz: Yeah, so?
Stephens: I already seen the airport.

Annie: So you’re a cop, right?
Jack: That’s right.
Annie: Well, I should probably tell you that I’m taking the bus because I had my driver’s license revoked.
Jack: What for?
Annie: Speeding.

Howard Payne: Interactive TV, Jack! Wave of the future - ha ha ha, huh?

Annie: What is that smell?
Jack: It’s gas.
Annie: We’re leaking gas?
Jack: We are now.
Annie: What, you thought you needed another challenge or something?

Annie: You’re not going to get mushy on me, are you?
Jack: Maybe. I might.
Annie: I hope not, ’cause you know, relationships that start under intense circumstances, they never last.
Jack: Oh yeah?
Annie: Yeah, I’ve done extensive study on this.

Ortiz: You’re not too bright man, but ya got some big round hairy cajones.
Jack: That’s very gross Ortiz.
Ortiz: Huh, can’t even pay him a compliment.

Howard Payne: Be prepared! This is the Boy Scout marching song.

Harry Temple: You shot me, I can’t believe it. They’re giving you a medal for shooting me, you little prick!
Jack: Harry… you TOLD me to.

Harry: Guts’ll get you so far, then they’ll get you killed.

Jack: I have to warn you, I’ve heard relationships based on intense experiences never work.
Annie: OK. We’ll have to base it on sex then.
Jack: Whatever you say, ma’am.

Annie: Hey! Get your ass behind the yellow line.

Annie: There’s gum on my seat… GUM!

Howard Payne: I’m smarter than you, Jack! I’m smarter! I’m smarter!
Jack: Yeah? Well, I’m TALLER!

Stephens: It’s okay. If you need to, you go right ahead and vomit.

Jack: Sir I’m gonna need to take your phone.
Maurice the Tune Man: Take the phone!

SWAT Driver: He’s just entered the airport.
SWAT Officer: The airport? There’s thousands of people there.
Lt. Herb “Mac” McMahon: All right! That’s my boy Jack! We should be able to circle the runways and buy us some time. The choppers can’t fly in there; it’s restricted air space.
SWAT Driver: He’s headed for the end of the field.
SWAT Officer: That must be Bravo Tango, an emergency runway.
Lt. Herb “Mac” McMahon: Yeah, let’s hope it’s built. Let’s move!

Jack: Hey!
Jack: I’m a cop! LAPD! There’s a bomb on your bus! There is a bomb on your bus!
Sam: What?
Maurice the Tune Man: There’s a -WHAT? FUCK!

Jack: Maybe we can do something about these hostages.
Harry: We’re not gonna shoot them, right?

Howard Payne: I don’t suppose anybody’ll give me three million just for you?

Jack: Will the mystery guest please sign in?

Howard Payne: What do you think, Jack? You think if you pick up all the bus driver’s teeth, they’ll give you another medal?

Lt. Herb “Mac” McMahon: Don’t get dead.

Security Guard: Hey, this area’s restricted.
Howard Payne: Oh, hi. Yeah, I know. They called me down here. Some of this wiring got screwed up.
Security Guard: Nobody called it down to me. I’m going to have to see a work order.
Howard Payne: Yeah, just a second. There you are.
Howard Payne: Nothing personal.

Young Executive: Thanks for pushing that, Bob. The light’s on but you never know, it really might be broken.
Young Executive’s Friend: Shut up.

Jack: You’ve gotta let me off.
Howard Payne: Oh, no! That’s not good!

Howard Payne: “The whim of a madman” I like that!

Lt. Herb “Mac” McMahon: You’re fired! Everybody’s fuckin’ fired!

Lt. Herb “Mac” McMahon: And here… is to Harry. For his quick thinking… for his grace under pressure, and for his brave and selfless act.
Lt. Herb “Mac” McMahon: And to Jack for shooting Harry. Something we’ve all wanted to do for a very long time.

Annie: You didn’t leave me. I can’t believe it… you didn’t leave me.
Jack: Didn’t have anywhere to be just then.

Norwood: Usually they fall down now.

Mr. Bagwell: Usually they fall down now.

Howard Payne: I hate talking to negotiators Jack. They talk to you like they’re your best friend and they do’nt even know you.

Annie: Where is Payne?
Jack: He lost his head.

Annie: Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam!