A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
– Demetri Martin

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
– Demetri Martin

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades…or a game of fake heart attack.
– Demetri Martin

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
– Bill Cosby

If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.
– Dave Allen